Thursday, 31 December 2009

No more runnin'. I aim to misbehave

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Rage is Number 1!!

Friday, 18 December 2009

isn't sure why some people will argue with me about lyrics and music.... Fricking infuriating. I might be an idiot when it comes to everything else but music???? Please!
The Pietasters has just shuffled on to the 'pod. "Out All Night" is playing and a huuuge smile is appearing. And my head is nodding :)
kicking it with Mike Davies and Tuesdays best of the Punk Rock show 2009! Do Friday mornings get much better???

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Breaking Rocks in the.... Hot Sun....
Real eclectic mix going on this morning... Toots and the Maytals, G'n'R, RATM (for number1), The BIG, older 'phonics albums (before they lost their touch) 'A', All, Bad Religion, MCS, Okkervil River, and finally The Clash...
I say Yeah, That's a what I say, 54-46 That's my number.
still can't find my copies of Milo Goes To College and Mass Nerder.... I need some Descedents/All goodness for work tomorrow

Monday, 14 December 2009

Beat the Hotlight krispykreme
I'm trying to decide if Winchester needs an indie record shop and how I can afford to set it up????

Saturday, 5 December 2009

Rage Against The Machine For Xmas No.1 ratm4xmas See here for details http://bit.ly/inthename please RT

Friday, 20 November 2009

looking forward to playing New Super Mario and MW:2 over the weekend. Gamertag: d00fer81 if you're interested!
you should all check out Coffee Project, Acoustic guitar and a Trombone... Awesome! Also check out Rehasher - Fast Melodic punk by Rog from LTJ

Thursday, 19 November 2009

ipod. check. loud guitars. check. kick ass horn section. check. it can only be LTJ Thursday!

Thursday, 12 November 2009

is quite possibly the worst husband ever.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

last copy of COD:MF2 IN Sainsburys in Hedge End..... get in!!!

Monday, 9 November 2009

my body obviously hates me... 3 days of stomach pains with this evening's make it it painful to move. Great!!!!!

Sunday, 8 November 2009

would like sleep to occur at somepoint this evening

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

leicester square is full of mental people watching the red carpet of the Christmas Carol premiere... what with that and the xmas lights everywhere is packed!
is in oxford street schuh... dangerous!

Saturday, 31 October 2009

you gotta put your faith in a loud guitar! STATION!

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Still overwhelmed by the awesomeness of last night!!

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

is looking forward to seeing @fthc tonight as well as fake problems and beans on toast!

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

It's just sunk in that tomorrow is FT day! Not quite sure how I'm going to contain the crazy throughout tomorrow...

Monday, 26 October 2009

is seriously impressed with Mr Coulson's and his own Mo Donations... If you fancy seeing pictures of me making looking like a tit with a Moustache click here: http://ping.fm/Mrzbv

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Sister Hazel acoustic and Rascal Flatts. Definitely lifting me up this morning
is looking to Vegas-esque entertainment on Saturday. Looking forward to celebrating with the newly weds and hitting the tables :)

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

managed to break my bike and dent the car in one big go! stellar!
if a certain person interrupts me and finishes what I was saying again, I'll flipping well lose it!!
So what are we going to do tonight then Brain??

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

chances of bowling a decent game tonight.... slim! But I'll still give it ago. The mighty glove might help :)

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

think s from his brief look, Google wave looks like it could be really clever.... give us a shout if you want an invite :)

Monday, 12 October 2009

Back to the Future on sky anytime.... right that's my evening set!
is thinking HULK SMASH PUNY HUMAN!!!!
is seriously, seriously furious with someone. I mean properly furious. I'm going to have to resist lumping them aside the head if they come into my office

Saturday, 10 October 2009

is in Exmouth so me and Titch can see Kymmy!

Thursday, 8 October 2009

has had some "interesting" interaction with people today. Strange that it wasn't a particularly nice experience !?!

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

hmmmm Stargate universe looks interesting so far!

Monday, 5 October 2009

"Give me the beat boys, and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll,"

Thursday, 1 October 2009

really really needs a rest tonight...

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

really doesn't feel great today...

Monday, 28 September 2009

is maybe thinking that he needs a break.
enjoyed his cheap subway wrap... possibly cheaper than making lunch! And healthy as well due to lack of bread!

Sunday, 27 September 2009

is physically and mentally aching after yesterday and today

Saturday, 26 September 2009

has been busy helping his sis!

Friday, 25 September 2009

thinks his mp3 player has psychic powers. whilst on shuffle it played Stiff Little Fingers, The Ramones, The Clash and the Jam one after the other!

Thursday, 24 September 2009

insomnia is a bitch! why is it you only feel tired once you're awake and doing something!
is just loving tonights bout of insomnia!

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

was pleased with his scores tonight. They were consistent and will give me a reasonable handicap to improve on. I also think a boys poker night might be called for at some point!
is hoping he bowls well tonight! 600 series?? yes please!

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

still thinks insomnia sucks... sleep brain sleep!

Monday, 7 September 2009

Here I am, Here I am, Here I am, I'm stuck at the Crossroads again, Oh Let Me Stand, Let Me Stand, Let Me Stand, On top of the Mountain again.

There comes a time in everyones life where past dreams and desires change or wane. I would say most people experience this, and it's nothing to be afraid, or ashamed of. The issue comes when you begin to prevent new dreams taking over. If you don't have a dream, how do you motivate yourself to get up in the morning.

Just recently I've been thinking about my dreams, and what I want to do with my life. I can accept that the career I have in Local Government IT is not what I wanted when I was 15, or 19. Is that bad...?? No. I like my job. I work with a truly awesome group of people, and have got some really good friends from this. Of course sometimes the work is stressful, and the demands are

I've also identified that this isn't what I'd want to do forever, but wouldn't be upset if I did. My Ideal?? Own a record shop. I love music. I love the impact that music has on people and the way it makes them feel. and I'd like to be one of the people that helps bring that to them.

I know it's not likely, as these days, digital rules. People don't need to go and buy an LP or CD when they can download the songs from iTunes, but I wish they still did. I wish it was easy for me to do this. I love that nervous energy when you have a new CD, or LP and have to wait to here it. I also love the feeling when something that I recommend to someone is picked up on and embraced.

Ok, so owning a Record Shop might be a tricky prospect nowadays, so although I'll keep that dream, it's ok for me to shelve it, and look at it occasionally. But there are other dreams that are more achievable.
I'd like to live and work abroad for a while, specifically somewhere like Canada, or Hawaii, where life really is a bit different. One of Kirsty's close friends moved to the Northen Territories in Canada and hasn't looked back, and I'll like to have that level of adventure for a while, being somewhere alien and remote, and not like southern England.

I'd also like to be able to play a musical instrument, specifically the Harmonica, at a decent level. Now I'm not expecting to be Blues Traveler's John Popper, but to be able to knock up a decent blues harmony.

I've blogged before about writing, and how I'm working on a book typw thing. Well, I'm not doing very well. I'm thinking of writing a couple of short stories instead as this might help with developing my own writing style. Also, I'm hoping to write some reviews following on from the last blog, not just about music but about other things too.

Just remember, dreams are no bad thing, and if you think it's slipping away, it's ok to change that dream!

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

"There's no such thing as Rockstars, There's just people who play music,"

Title lyric from Try This At Home - Frank Turner from the forthcoming album Poetry for the deed.

Now as I usually say at this point, it's been a while since I've blogged, and thats pretty much down to all the stuff I always say. I then generally ramble on about my depresssion and blah blah blah zzzz. I'm sure thats why no one reads this!

So today I'm going to talk about something that generally enables me to be human.... Music. Especially music that people might've heard and is relatively new (well generally this year) which has really perked my attention.

The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
I picked up on The Gaslight Anthem due to trawling the net for Springsteen stuff, and seeing that Frank Turner opened fro them. Their latest album, The '59 Sound, is a real corker... They sound like current american indie/rock, but with a sense of the boss being in there as well. You only need to listen to Meet Me by the Rivers Edge and here the line "No Surrender my Bobby Jean" to get that feeling. It's present in other places in the album too, just a little more subtle. Unfortunately I missed them touring, and even worse missed them at Hard Rock Calling when Bruce surprised them... You cannot believe how gutted I was. Needless to say I'll be seeing them next time around.

Westbound Train - Come and Get It
This was an Outlaw Anthem on the Punk Rock Show on Radio 1, and I fell for the title track the minute I heard it. I've always been a ska fan, no doubt due to the Trombonist lurking in me. I was highly impressed that there were bands making Ska which sounded closer in tone to First and Second wave ska instead of playing 3rd Wave ska/punk. It's all there, organ, brass and lyrics that are just to die for.

Bright Light Ballads - Howard Elliot Payne
I picked up this from the iTunes Single of the week, which was the track Dangling Threads. The album itself is a folk classic, and begs to be listened to whilst decked out on a patch of grass somewhere with a cold drink. It's relaxing, and insightful and adds a nice end of the day coda to some of the manic summer.

Grey Britain - Gallows
Beware... This is an ANGRY F@£%$NG ALBUM. More vitriol and rage from one of the UK's best Hardcore bands. As much as I love this album, you need to be hacked off to listen to it. Play it when you're in a good mood and you'll be pounding holes in the wall by the end. Despite that it's still a top album and shows how the UK still has a thriving hardcore scene.

Let The Dominoes Fall - Rancid
A true Punk album, full of bombastic blasting songs. Whilst the album itself clocks in at 19 Tracks many of these are sub 3 minute punk gems. As fell as flexing the punk muscles they know so well, Rancid have gone beyond to include, dub, reggae, folk country, and not surprisingly a touch of Ska (following Armstrong and Freeman's time with Operation Ivy in the late 80's).
Not only is the album full of energy and blistering attitude, it's also a very political, proving that Rancid are still as strong as ever. Some might draw parallels between Rancid and fellow California punk act Greenday... But where Greenday have risen to massive stadium tours and anthemic pseudo-political M.O.R tripe like American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown, Rancid have stuck to their roots and produced one fucking awesome record!


It was either this or Football - Kid British
I picked this whilst browsing in HMV... it's rare for me to buy an album and give it a chance based on the cover. I'm glad I did with this one. Rather than the traditional album format, these boys are releasing it in 2 half's, each one worth the fiver they cost. Certainly aimed more at the UK charts, these cheeky chappies from Manchester have eschewed the trend of Indie bands, and do not own skinny jeans, a cardigan and have floppy curly hair. Instead they play their own brand of pop/indie/ska/reggea all with an urban twinge and their tongue firmly lodged in their cheeks. Our house is dadless has chart success written all over it, as they joyfully sample Madness Our House, and throwing their own clever lyric above. Part Time Job Shirt/Shirt and Tie will appeal to those trying to find temp work and also trying to achieve some goals and is the standout track on the first half... look out a 2nd half review soon.



Well I think thats enough to be going on with... No doubt there will some more reviews on here soon, as I'll making my thoughts known on Poetry Of The Deed by Frank Turner. Very excited abou this... Heard 3 songs so far and have loved every single one. Also I'm trying to get my hands on Ursa Major by Third Eye Blind. I've heard the single and absolutely love it so far but no where has it in stock!

I'll also be popping up some reviews of other bits and pieces that have come my way.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Caught in the Rush of the Crowd, Lost in a Wall of Sound, You are ringing in my ears

So it's been quite a few months since I announced my continuing depression and began some kind of treatment since then. It's not been an easy few months to say the least, but some kind've progress has been made.

I'll cover the major things that have occurred and I'm sure you can make you're own judgement about the rest.

Back right at the start of May, I had a bit of a crisis... Or breakdown. I'm not sure which really. I was like my entire brain was broken as I really couldn't identify myself at all. Following some urging from Kirsty I went to the GP who promptly signed me off work for a fortnight, and was told to relax, as well as increasing the dose of my Anti-Depressants. I also shaved my head into a mohawk... More on this later!

Now I know some of you will think this is weird but I wasn't very keen on being signed off... I spent too many months signed off several years ago and it takes it toll on mental attitude. I find it soul destroying as it really is very boring. In this case however, it was obviously required as I spent most of that first week off just curled up in bed not really feeling like doing anything. I just felt exhausted and couldn't find any energy to get out and get going. After 3 or 4 days of pretty much getting some kind of motivation, I then started to get really bad feelings of guilt regarding work, as I was letting all of my colleagues down. This general malaise carried on for the full first fortnight, at which point the doctor signed me off again.

Over this second period of time I really started to pick up.. My energy was improving and my boredom was also increasing, I also became a bit of a pest towards Kirsty (in the best most loving way) so she started to know that I was improving.

Towards the end of this second week my Uncle died. Terry was a lovely, generous man and was much loved by everyone in our family, as well as his friends. When he was poorly my Aunt had to pop into the bookies to put on his bets, and let his "girlfriends" in the betting shop know why he wasn't there. Whilst in there the manager came in mid conversation and commented how much they enjoyed Terry's company because he always brought them cakes. He was that kind of guy!
My saddest feeling was when we carried him into the crematorium... As his was the third relative's coffin I've carried in the past few years and I don't want to carry any more.

One of the things that I have discovered is that I've not been true to myself. I haven't been massively dishonest with myself either but I have been restrictive. My personality was being restrained by a need to please that I often pander to. Don't get my wrong, I'm not a robot and I really haven't followed the herd, but sometimes, I didn't let out the real me.

And Now I Am.

Hey everyone I'm Kit. I was an angry, rebellious teen who wasn't allowed to get angry and couldn't rebel. Now I Can!
I was a lairy person who had his temper kept under wraps. Now It Isn't!
I was shy and a loner and worried what other people might think of me. Now I Couldn't Give A Fuck What You Think!
I felt wrong for not being driven and academic. Now It Doesn't Matter.

I cut my hair into a mohawk. Yup. I did. and You know what. I should've done it years ago but wasn't sure what people would think. (By people I mean the ones who's opinion would matter to me). funnily enough people seem to like it, and those who don't, I just growl until they run away!

I've also decided I'm getting some tattoo's. I'm getting stuff meaningful to me, and I know some people won't get it, but thats not the point.

Goinmg forward I'm going to try and keep this attitude going. I need to be true to myself and if that requires conflicting with someone then Bring It On.

OK enough anger and outpouring today... I'll be back tot he reakl wirld soon talking about comics, life and also maybe jelly, I mean, who knows what comes out of my head.

Oh, also, I've a draft of the opening of my book: Let me know what you think.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few months ago.

People are staring at me. I'm vaguely aware of them looking as they walk past, but I don't really care. I know I look a bit mental. I'm wearing a hat, my old torn jeans, my slip ons which are nearly falling apart and my battered jacket. A large pair of headphones sit across the cap on my head and there are tears streaming down my face.

I make it to our bench and collapse against the worn wood, dropping the flowers down next to me. A cramp shoots through my body and I can feel bile rising, but it's gone as quickly as it came.

I reach into my pocket, produce my Ipod and try and sort out the playlist that I want to hear and let the music wash over me, sobbing uncontrollably. I realise I look like a complete nutter to the happy passers by, but I really don't care, not today.

As the first song finishes, I feel someone sit next to me. A hand softly takes mine, and I press pause, slipping the headphones off. “Hey” I say hoarsely, staring into the brown eyes looking at mine. “Hey” says Hannah, “What did you play for her?”



5 Years, and 7 Months earlier.

I look at my lounge, forgetting that i'd left it in such a state. It smells stale, and I just know that the kitchen will be worse. My fridge is going to smell and the Milk will have probably grown into a new life form. Despite all of this, it's good to be home. After 3 weeks of Hospital food, beds and nurses poking me I'm looking forward to my own bed, my DVD's and games, and all the other toys and gadgets that shouldn't be in the house of a 24 year old single male.

Despite the ache in my stomach, and it still being February, I walk (slowly) around the house, opening the windows to try and freshen the place up. The kitchen is quite clean, and when I inspect the fridge there is some fresh milk, and butter and an unopened packet of Bacon. I check the cupboard, and true enough, there's a fresh loaf in there. Only one person would’ve done this.

My big sister, Charlotte, despite being a high flying executive, always takes the time to look out for her little brother. As I flick the grill on and tear the bacon packet open I reflect on my future prospects. I've probably got another 18 months of operations and chemotherapy ahead of me along with further operations and adjustment to having an ileostomy.

Whilst I butter the bread and fish the bacon out from the grill, I spot a package on the side. It's not very big, and just has a single word on the tag, "Enjoy". I open it and find a Tennis Ball, but no further explanation. I'm sure it has a purpose which will be explained to me at a later date.

I flick through the post on the phone table, but not finding anything interesting, turn my attention to the answerphone. 7 messages. 7 messages in 3 weeks?? I'm clearly unpopular at the moment. out of 7 messages only 4 are interesting. 2 from the bank, one from my best mate Stu and one from Charlotte. "Hey Bro, hope you got home ok, and hope you made a big bacon sandwich. I'm away until Thursday, and have got meetings on Friday so will see you Sat. loadsa love. Lottie".





Wednesday, 1 April 2009

"I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing"

Hey Guys...

I'm sure some of you will recognise the words above me, so I'll not explain them.  If you don't get them and and want to know what they mean, then you need to FIND OUT.

Now, the adventures of The Dude, Mr Sobchak, and Donny have nothing to do with my blog, except that my week started with my First 500 series at bowling.  I know this doesn't mean a great deal to most people, but for me, this is a stepping stone in my bowling prowess.  Not only did I bowl my first 200+ game in a league match (despite me bowling 4 or 5 in the summer months), but I also managed to follow it with a 173, and a 134.  Not huge scores, but my best league series yet.

This is a big achievement as recently I've been struggling with my game, and because of it my mental game has suffered and vice versa.   A chance chat with the ball Svengali Blacky, whilst I was complaining that my hook was still bad, lead to him watching me bowl a few, and giving me one or 2 pointers.  Sunday, following his advice, I'm getting more hook, and hitting the pocket and picking up my spares more consistently.  

But the big key to this, Faith.  

Following the tips I'd been given, I was more confident that my swing and release needed to do a certain thing...  Once I'd thrown the ball, (despite the heavy oil), I could see it hooking more and also was more confident of my positioning for the strike.  I was also better equipped to accept the "should've beens" that occur even when the technique is pretty near perfect (check how big headed I am...unusual no?).  There are occasions, even with me, where I'll get a pocket ball, right angle of entry and plenty of speed, which despite looking and sounding good, leaves one pesky pin standing.  It's easy to get frustrated and this can ruin picking up the spare, or your next frame.  The fact of the matter is that unusual things happen... and they also occur in your favour.

For each near strike I had, you can bet I had one or two strikes which were no where near perfect, but they all fell down due to luck.

I'm currently in a place where my mental game has gone to pot outside of work as well.  I've been going through a vicious cycle of feeling low, and this making me tired, which makes me lazy, which depresses me, which makes me tired, which makes me lazy.  

It's not quite as easy as fixing a bowling swing, but sometimes asking for a bit of help,  might make all the difference, especially as there is a chance that the solution might be lot more simple than you think.  1 small change can improve your mental game, which improves your physical game, which proves you can do it, which improves your mental game.

Before you know it it, the pins are falling exactly how you'd hope, your score has improved and you're beating your own personal best!

Following the Dude's revelation at the top, I'll finish on another couple of bits of philosophy produced by him and Walter.

From the Dude; "The Dude Abides".  Can't say it any clearer... Life is life. Hang in and take it as it comes.

From Walter; "Fuck It Dude, lets go bowling".  Sounds like an excellent plan.  Where'd I put my shoes.....

Monday, 30 March 2009

And as My Steps, Echo, Echo, Louder than Before

I don't know if people have noticed, but this funny thing called sunshine is making a concerted effort to shine at the moment.  This is good.  Despite erring towards the miserable side, and enjoying a good rainstorm, even I appreciate that the early spring sunshine makes everyone feel good.

The promise of summer, is quite possibly even better.  And you know what, it's going to be an ace summer!!  Home made burgers, Jim Beam Teriyaki Ribs, BBQ Baked Chicken Breasts, Ice cold beer (in Stubbies of course), Dawn Patrols, Sunset Sessions, Hot Tarmac and Tyres, Cloudspotting, Philosophy and Fun.  And thats just a few of the components!!

There are people around me helping to promote this.  Kirsty of course, is busy cajoling me to get in a summer spirit, and looking after all of my little instabilities in the process.  There are others though.  Nick, is coming back from his enforced relaxation, and coming back more sage and wise than ever before... I'm massively proud of him as he's taken a infuriating and painful situation, and is has used it to reassess what is important to him and is making conscious decisions to address and change the direction of his life, which many people can learn from.  

My sister has also been through a massive period of upheaval throughout the last few months, and is beginning to come up sunnier and happier than I've seen her in a while, whilst other friends have got the biggest change yet to come, mainly Chris' and Nat's impending parenthood being really close, and really quite exciting.

My one challenge for this summer, is getting up and out there, and working towards getting jobs done for fun.  My garden has taken shape in my head, and the time I've got off in the next few weeks will see this move from vision, to a complete garden, which will be enjoyed greatly.

So if you do one thing leading up to this summer, get up, get going, drag someone who needs a smile out with you.  Do something fun, do something different, or just spend the day being mates, chatting, bantering and enjoying the company.

Aloha!

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Photosynthesis

Howzit,

Today is one of those days, I've got a lot of work going, which despite working through I still feel like I'm lagging behind, (IF any of my managers or colleagues are reading this... I FEEL like I'm lagging, This doesn't mean that I'm not working my socks off!)

On days like these it's imperative to find some musical accompaniment to drive the day along. Well it is for me anyway... rarely a day goes by when I don't make some use of headphones, which I'm sure the people around me are thankful for, as I do listen to some weird and wonderful things!

It's funny how certain songs can provoke feelings and thoughts which may lay dormant for long periods and yet, their opening bars are an instantanious mental trigger taking you back to another time. This is not entirely true of songs which you listened to at that particular time, but can also be produced by new songs...

One such artist that produces these thoughts deep inside me is a guy called Frank Turner. Ex vocalist of Million Dead turned Folk Genius/Hero, and thouroughly great songsmith.

His latest album is full of songs of Heartbreak, love, idealism and life and is going to be on repeat for most of the summer! If you haven't coma across him, Check Out the album, Love, Ire and Song.

One of the songs has a chorus line that everyone should try and hold true at least once a day. "I won't sit down, and I won't Shut Up, and Most of all I Won't Grow Up".

I liek the sounds of that!

Well, I'm Not Sitting Down, And I'm not Shutting Up, and there's not a hope in Hell I'll grow up anymore... even when I become a parent I won't behave in a different manner to how I do now!

My poor kids!!! hahahahahahah!

Anyways, I think i might've gone off thread and got a bit lost, but never mind!

Monday, 23 March 2009

Golden Age of my Negative Ways...

Howzit,

It's a been a little while since I've last blogged anything, mainly because I'm not always sure what to blog about. I've been reading some other awesome blogs recently, (which I follow), and the quality and passion of the writing makes me doubt my validity and ability to say anything worthwhile and sometimes anything at all.

I know this speaks volumes about my levels of self confidence and and trust in my ability to string together a coherent sentence, so maybe thats what I should address in these blurb filled nonsense bytes...

Anyone who knows me well, will probably agree that I can be a pain in the backside, frustrating and sometimes wholly deserving of a smack around the head... And they're right. I'm all of those things although not deliberately. I'm also aware of those things and I'm trying to do something about it.

Last week I went to my first serious session of CBT with an NHS Councillor. CBT, for people who don't know, is Cognative Behavioral Therapy. And It's used to try and change the thought processes in people who tend to spiral into a negative state of mind. The aim is to try and associate behavior that can trigger an incident, be it bursting into tears, losing ones rag, or just becoming insular and enclosed.

Several years ago, I was very poorly. I don't really need to go into anymore details, but I spent some time in hospital, a lot of time signed off sick and despite it seeming like it or not, I was quite close to the edge... My life had become rubbish, I wasn't going out much, I missed a few really big events in my friends lives which I could never really bring myself to explain properly, and generally falling apart. Lots of my family and friends kept telling how good I was at being strong, but to me, I wasn't.

Since then, I've never been quite right... There's been something lurking deep in my psyche which I couldn't identify and this has caused a few issues, which although I've vaguely acknowledged in the past, I've never really looked at addressing. I can't explain why. Perhaps I had a fear of finding out I was far more screwed up than I thought, or perhaps I was worried that people would accuse me of faking, or just being a wuss.

Recently a string of small events has convinced me to face up to these issues and to try and get it sorted. This has lead me to the few revelations below:

I don't like the word depression. It's become a stereotype for people with stressful lives to be signed off with depression. It sounds so vague and always like a bit of a cop out. Unfortunately the english language has yet to define an all encompassing word to describe how one can a malaise of the soul and not be sure why, so, depression it is. I suffer from Depression, and I do regularly have bouts where I become miserable, depressed and grumpy for no real reason.

There I've said it.

I am taking anti-depressants to help me whilst I'm undergoing therapy. I've found it difficult to tell people this, and it's been quite liberating when I have told people. When I told my Mum I was worried who she'd react, I thought I'd failed her by not being happy and healthy. And of course she only only showed concern and love for me! I now know that taking anti-depressants isn't bad, or wrong and doesn't make me crazy and close to going loopy, and then turning green and preceding to yell HULK SMASH whilst flipping tanks and things into the air.

Thats another thing I haven't said, and now have.

I think I'll leave it there for today. I'll follow up how things are going... Also I'd be interested to see if anyone has a comment about any of the things i've addressed above, so please post up comments here.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Having the Munchies...

Just recently I've been having a huge case of the munchies for all sorts of things, (I'd just like to point out that these aren't munchies caused by inhalation of funny smoke of any kind). This has lead me to some vague plans of things to do this year whilst enjoying the sun :)

Camping - I have a massive case of the camp munchies. I can't wait for that day to pack up the car, and drive out for some enjoyable beside the fire/BBQ chatting that will no doubt occur. I have a few provisos for this year though. I'd like an open fire which I can cook on/in. I have some truly amazing ideas for camp food, so will be trying this.

Walking - I've got out of the habit of walking around looking at the countryside. I'm sure it stems from th many walks I went on as a small child where I'd get a bit bored by the scenery, find a stick and use it as some kind've gun.

Surfing - I've tried surfing a fair few times in the past. But due to Bob and other things haven't been for several years, and feel the urge to get back in the water!

Motorbike - I'd like to get my Bike Test passed this year, so I can ride something bigger than 100cc (which can be a bit limited) and also take a passenger (so Kirsty and I don't always need to take a car). I might be able to merge camping with motorcycling for some sort of uber weekend trip!

As it is, I think the camping will be first! Now where did I put my firesteel??

Aloha!

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

"months, Post Christmas, and Back into this blogging game

As you may have noticed (if any of you were looking to begin with), that I haven't written for a short while. (Yeah ok, so it was the best part of 2 months... Who's counting?)

Since the Joy of Hawaii has definitely diminished, although it took until after Christmas for this to occur, I've been feeling a bit flat. There's so much I mean to do and never get around to doing, it's very frustrating. Couple this with my mental state being occasionally fragile and as you might guess, I've been fun to live with, so my Hat (probably my Grey Flat cap, as it's my favourite) goes off to Kirsty for keeping me sane, hugs'n'stuff and generally putting up with the nonsense that goes her way!

I'm in a position where I'm going to need nagging about certain things that I need to complete in the next few months.... Some won't be of interest to anyone but me and Kirsty, and others might be interesting, but nag away as I need all the help I can get. These things are:
  • Kitchen. I need to unleash my spirit of demolition and knock the wall down, and then put the new units in.
  • Garden. I've got a huge pile of decking which once is layed, I can spend my summer cooking BBQ food for my mates, family members and anyone who wanders past and fancies a burger and brewski.
  • Book. I've had a structure for a novel for ages, which I keep changing roaund a bit. Until I get some written and commented on , I've no idea if it's even worth persuing so better get some written.
  • Pictures. I took some fab pictures in Hawaii, which has told me I need to get out and take more.

That'll do too begin with, but remember people Nag Nag Nag!

Aloha!